It's Starting Already
by Joe?Pulcinella
I'm in an airport for the first time since 9/11. It's 4:30 am. I showed up way early since I didn't know what to expect from the TSA...except that they would be stupid. I just didn't know how stupid until I encountered one whose sole job is to endlessly repeat the TSA mantra.
All liquids, hair gels, etc, are to be carried in checked luggage. Any of these items not declared at this point will be confiscated, blah, blah, blah...
I exclaimed to her, "Oh, no! Not my hair gel!" The return response was a blank look of someone who had recently been lobotomized. For those who don't know me, I've been losing my hair since right out of high school and eventually shaved off the rest 6 years ago. The lady next to me chuckled but not too loud as to imply that we were in cahoots. I placed my shoes, laptop, camera, etc on conveyor and waited my turn to experience the pleasure of entering the metal detector.
After a few minutes, I heard gales of laughter from the previously inanimate object called TSA Screener #1. "Ha! That's funny! Hair gel! He ain't got no hair! Hey, Secretia (don't know if that's her real name or not)! He said, 'hair gel!' He ain't got no hair! Come look!"
Ugh. I've since them put my shoes back on, remembering to tuck the fuse out of sight, and purchased a "package" of Internet connections from AT&T. I'm probably the last dork alive to purchase WiFi time. I can't believe it still isn't free because it's so friggin' cheap that market forces would have driven the purchase price to zero.